Taking the Fight to the Enemy

It's been a while since I've returned to my blogs...I just went through my last entry a couple months ago and I remember vividly those dark feelings stealing my light, my joy, my reason for living. In some ways I'm still fighting off those demons, only now things are looking very different since my CPAP device came in. See, everyone who knows me well enough knows I've been suffering from severe sleep apnea for the longest time, and it's not just snoring; it's literally an extreme lack of oxygen due to constant pauses or shallowness of breathing throughout the night. The amount of times this was happening became so frequent that fixing it was a matter of life and death.

 Every morning that came brought new miseries, as my mind would be so clouded and dysfunctional, my head throbbing in pain, my eyes heavy with exhaustion, that even the most menial task seemed impossible. I missed so much work because I would just end up falling asleep at my computer on a regular basis. My depression fed off of these things that were happening, and was allowed to flourish; my very identity was stolen from me, with only a hollow shell left instead of a normal functioning person.

This may seem overly dramatic, but those who have suffered as I have know well the effects it has on your everyday life. So in order to regain control, I went through the long and sometimes frustrating process of ordering a CPAP machine. It's been several nights now since I've begun using it, and now that my brain is able to receive the oxygen it so desperately needs, I can say with confidence that the game has changed. There's a new player on the field. After just one night, the difference in my awareness, clarity of speech, thought processing, energy, and attitude has been staggering. I've been told I look and sound like a new man, and I really feel like one. However, now that this great obstacle is now gone, I have a genuine opportunity to tackle my weight problem. With my newfound energy and positive attitude, there's no better time for me to take my transformation one step further. 

The problem with addiction and depression are still very real, but I have new hope that God will fulfill His marvelous will in my life, and now it's time for me to make the hard choice to fight back against the temptations. I'm ready to get my life back.

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