Awakening

 "Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God" ~ 2 Corinthians 3:5 ESV

   
Long have I believed that I was void of any special gift or calling. Instead I lived my life as a victim of circumstance and wallowed in self-pity and resentment toward God for such an oversight. I looked for anything to bring me a sense of fulfillment and to distract me from my inadequacies, and so I hid myself from the rest of the world, gave in to my eating addiction and ate my way into obscurity.
   Lately, I've been making an effort to rid myself of  this great weight (speaking both physically and figuratively) and literally reinvent myself. This is no simple task as I've quickly learned, after so many years of living in the comfort of allowing my carnal nature have it's way with both my mind and my body, and feeding on the shadows in my heart. I've begun feeding my spirit with the Holy Word and praying regularly. In the beginning, my prayers were more like laments to God about how messed up I was, asking for Him to grant me some of His unfathomable strength so I might break these chains around my spirit.
   I was asking for something that God has already given me.
   By focusing so hard on my flaws and feelings of worthlessness, I lost sight of how God has already equipped me with everything I need to succeed. My sufficiency doesn't lie in anything of my own strength, but in the power I inherited as a son of the Most High. I thought my prayers were just falling on deaf ears at first, and was beginning to wonder where He was, and this perpetuated my feelings of hopelessness and wasted potential. What God wanted me to remember is where I am weak, He is strong, and that He has already empowered me to fulfill my calling in life. For me, this knowledge means I don't have to spend every day begging God for the strength to overcome this great obstacle, but rather I can walk in the promises of God and not fear my enemies that continue to work against me.
   The fight is ever tougher the closer I get to my breakout season. However, giving up now is not an option. Fear is not an option. I must fight, for my life, for my family who have invested so much in seeing me succeed, and for the lives that I'm called to touch when the appointed time comes.

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